A WORKSHY Tory defence secretary wants to order a new fleet of nuclear submarines and then get taxpayers to foot the bill, it emerged last night.
Liam Fox claims he is entitled to have as many atomic bombs as he wants but admits he is unable to pay for them himself because he has a bad back and mental problems.
He said: “I slipped on something gooey about five years ago and now I can’t lift my arms Mondays to Fridays. They get better at weekends. It’s a mystery. And I’ve also got a note from my doctor saying I’m totally psychological.”
Fox added: “And anyway, why should I go out to work and earn the money to buy a Trident replacement when I can just sit around my office all day pointing at maps and watching The Eagle Has Landed?
“I may look like a big moron, but I’m not one though.”
The government has been urged to crackdown on Fox who already has three separate armed forces with lots of ships, aeroplanes and tanks, despite the fact that most British school children think Buzz Lightyear invented the Moon and a typical NHS hip operation involves giving an old lady a swift kick to the pelvis.
Culture secretary Jeremy Hunt said: “In principle couples should only be having nuclear weapons if they can afford them – unless of course they both earn just under 44 grand a year, at which point the government should obviously pitch in.
“But unfortunately there are lots of lazy men in this country with very, very, very small penises who think they can have a nuclear missile without having to make sacrifices.
“That said, I have spoken to Mr Fox at length and I do think he’s a special case.”
He added: “Fuck you, that’s why.”