Five previously bad habits that are now totally acceptable

SELF-DISCIPLINE has gone out of the window during the lockdown, meaning you can get away with indulging bad habits. Try these out for starters.

Watching TV until 4am

As usual the programme everyone’s talking about is broadcast from America during the early hours, so you have to stay up if you want to catch it live. The bizarre orange character who wants to inject you with disinfectant might give you nightmares though.

Flirting with alcoholism

In the Before Time, spending every night drinking on your own was a worrying sign. Now it makes you a brave stay-at-home hero. Enjoy it whilst it lasts because as soon as you’re actually able to go to the pub, binge drinking will be frowned upon again.

Racking up massive debts

Remember how you used to turn your nose up at people who maxed out their credit cards on fancy holidays and trainers? And now here you are taking out a loan you’ll never be able to repay just because you’re bored and fancy an online shopping spree. It’s OK though, as you’re helping to save the economy. Rishi Sunak will be proud.

Talking to yourself

No longer the first sign of madness, talking to yourself is now the easiest way for people living on their own to have a decent conversation. The same rule applies to unfortunate individuals locked down with 5G truthers and children.

Going over 13 hours of screen time every day

Spending every waking moment on social media used to feel like a massive waste of time, but these days it’s the best way to find out if we’re allowed to touch food or breathe outside. Scroll yourself into a frenzy getting jealous of other people’s ‘lockdown lifestyles’.

'I don't mean to be rude,' quickly followed by rude comment

PEOPLE who use the phrase ‘I don’t mean to be rude’ always follow it up by saying something incredibly offensive which they definitely mean.

Donna Sheridan was talking to colleague Nikki Hollis via Zoom when she mentioned their boss Martin Bishop and added ‘I don’t mean to be rude but he’s a bit of a prick.’

Hollis said: “It was immediately obvious that Donna did mean to be rude because you don’t call someone a prick if what you actually mean to be is polite and complimentary.

“So I had to ask her if in reality she wanted to be very rude about Martin, whilst simultaneously excusing herself for doing so as if the words had fought their way out of her mouth without her consent.”

Sheridan said: “I can see now that calling him a prick does suggest that I did actually mean to be rude, but I didn’t want Nikki to think less of me.

“However, she then called him a ‘f**king scrotum-faced tosspot’ so I felt much better about myself.”