Tuesday, 11th May 2021

Five signs you're trying too hard to be 'woke'

AWARENESS of social injustice is a good thing, but are you trying to prove you’re more woke than everyone else? You could be overdoing it:

Obsessively seeking out historical figures who weren’t woke

It’s valid to question the mythology surrounding national heroes like Churchill, but take it to ridiculous extremes. Embark on a personal quest to discover whether Charlotte Bronte said anything racist, or if Sir Douglas Bader ever used the term ‘nancy boys’.

Forming a Twitter mob

However noble your motives, are you riling up the Twitter nutjobs? Some of these people are so permanently furious and dense they’ll demand all episodes of Black Beauty are erased for its inherent racism and setting unrealistic standards of attractiveness for horses.

Making no allowance for our horrible past

Many of our ancestors were shits to everyone, not just people of a different skin tone. Be furious about Victorian imperialists’ callous treatment of Africans and Indians without putting it in the context of them not being that fussed if their own soldiers starved or small children lost limbs in cotton looms.

Castigating people for not using the correct ever-changing jargon

Did someone type ‘LGBT’ when they should have written ‘LGBTQ+’? Come down hard on them. However if you find yourself using the term ‘TERF’, or ‘trans-exclusionary radical feminist’, more than once a day it may be time to look into more interesting hobbies.

Judging people by your personal 21st century standards

All decent people are opposed to racial and sexual prejudice, which can make being woke a bit pointless. Think of new niche areas of wokeness, eg. Did Agincourt hero Henry V fail to speak out against the damage a meat-based diet is doing to the environment?