Sunday, 1st November 2020

People who post gym selfies to receive vaccine last

PEOPLE who brag about meeting their ‘fitness goals’ are to be punished by receiving the Covid-19 vaccine last.

The plans to withhold the vaccine from people who talk endlessly about how they love to ‘lift’ and ‘get their sweat on’ were based on research finding that gym braggarts are the least sympathetic group in the UK.

A government policy adviser said: “We have to divide society up in some way when rolling out the initial vaccine, and we’ve chosen to go with key workers and the most vulnerable first, with unbearable twats coming last in line.

“That means people who enjoy showing off to their tens of Instagram followers about ‘eating clean’ and ‘getting ripped’ may regret obsessively reducing their body fat percentage to the point where they look like Skeletor.

“As well as absolute tools who enjoy exercising in front of a mirror, the last stage of the vaccine rollout will be offered to anyone who asks women when they’re going to have a baby.”