Five stupid Gen Z phrases and what the f**k they actually mean

DO you suspect young people are making up phrases to make you feel old and out of the loop? They probably are. But these are real, unlikely as it seems.

‘Having rizz’

How could you make the slang term ‘swag’ (meaning ‘confidence’) even stupider? By replacing it with ‘rizz’. Rizz is an abundance of confidence – you can have high levels of rizz and be a rizz-master, or be lacking in charm or charisma and be branded as ‘rizz-less’. It’s just a shame it sounds like ‘jizz’. No one want to be a jizz-master.

‘He’s got drip’

A subcategory of major rizz-ness, being full of drip is more about having style. Your annoying teen may well complain they need new expensive shoes because their current ones ‘lack drip’. Any flashy fashion item that adds drip will not be cheap and will probably look stupid to an adult. Feign ignorance and buy them a nerdy cagoule, saying ‘I thought you wanted something to keep drips off’.

They have an NPC vibe

Without a doubt the cruellest, and most metatextual, Gen Z put-down. NPC stands for Non-Player Character, the characters in video games that usually exist only to repeat one line of dialogue over and over again and remain stuck in their nightmarish existence of mundanity. An NPC is someone who is incapable of critical thought and blindly follow trends. You can’t help but think Gen Z needs a phrase for ‘Oh the irony’.

No cap

No Cap means ‘no lie’. Extensive research which you can guarantee no Gen Z child has done reveals that ‘cap’ is African-American slang for bragging, which you would think would qualify as cultural appropriation but it appears they only care about that when it comes to important things like Halloween costumes.

‘Giving off major BDE’

How to put this delicately? You see, when someone puts out BDE, that means they are a male who has a certain energy about them, specifically the energy of a big dick. This is not always a positive thing. It could be used to describe someone who thinks they are a bigger deal than they are, and is putting out ‘BDE’ to compensate for the fact they actually lead an ‘LDE’ kind of life. It’s unlikely you’ll incorporate BDE into your vocabulary, but you’ll certainly be referring to them all as dicks.

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New Beatles song sparks exact rerun of 1960s Beatlemania

A NEW song by the Beatles has once again thrown youth into turmoil and kicked off a popular revolution in music that will change everything.

On hearing Now and Then teenage girls immediately began screaming uncontrollably and fighting with friends about which member of the Fab Four was their favourite, while their brothers left to get Beatle haircuts.

The band, who are 50 per cent alive, are now expected to be overwhelmed with crowds at airports, to give up playing concerts when they are drowned out by audience noise, and to be the subject of quizzical enquiry by oblivious high court judges.

Grace Wood-Morris, aged 15, said: “The Beatles are everything to me now. My Taylor Swift shit’s in a skip.

“From the first piano chords of Now and Then I knew this was new, exciting and it would move culture forward and introduce me to recreational drugs and Eastern philosophy.

“My bewildered parents say ‘It’s only the Beatles, they’ve been around bloody ages,’ but they’re too old to understand the hysteria these octogenarians engender. I hope I faint when I see them live.”

Friend Lucy Parry said: “I’m going to marry the one who does the singing when I grow up. Not John Lennon, he’s dead, I mean machine-learning AI.”