Thursday, 29th October 2020

Five stupid reasons morons believe all this is happening

WE’RE all aware that COVID-19 is bad, but some morons believe it has appeared ‘for a reason’. Prepare yourself for an argument with these people by learning about their idiotic theories.

The earth is trying to reverse climate change

A global pandemic has given nations no option but to cancel flights, shut down industry and restrict traffic. Is Mother Earth giving all her children an almighty ticking off for their naughty behaviour, or are you an idiot? Definitely the latter.

Wall Street made it happen

The notion that traders have unleashed a deadly virus and created an international crisis to make money out of a stock market crash is beyond the realms of even the most committed conspiracy theorist. Unless you’re an idiot, of course, in which case you’ve already started a Facebook group devoted to it.

We needed a reminder about what’s really important

Is the coronavirus outbreak a cosmic warning that humanity needs to take a step back from the relentless march of progress and return to a simpler time? The long, miserable queue outside Sainsbury’s might make you think otherwise, unless you’re a moron.

Aliens beamed the virus down

If you avoid logic, reason and common sense, the idea that a new-to-humans virus has been put here by extraterrestrials in flying saucers is a sound argument. Is it an intergalactic bio-weapon or are you just stupid?

The Illuminati are up to their old tricks

If your knowledge comes from online message boards, you’ll know that Earth is run by an elite group who are using coronavirus to keep us at home so they can go about their shadowy business without scrutiny. Makes sense, if you’re of limited brain capacity.