SINCE darts fans, of all people, have declared themselves Boris Johnson-haters, here are some other unlikely groups with a sudden antipathy toward the PM.
The fox murdering community
Nathan Muir, master of the Pytchley Hunt: “Johnson disgusts me. To think that back in April 2020 we were conducting our illegal hunt without a traditional toast and maintaining social distancing between horses.
“We were not even allowed to blow our horns in case they spread the virus. But Johnson and his cronies were laughing it up and quaffing on his patio. It’s a disgrace.”
The Bullingdon Club
Denys Finch Hatton, club secretary: “Back in 2020 we’d have loved nothing more than enjoying our traditional conviviality, hurling bread rolls at waiters, initiating new members by urinating into the soup cauldron and making them down a ladleful, or bruleeing our own farts while chanting Rugby songs.
“Instead, we were forced to close up shop while our ex-member was living it up on wine and cheese. The high-handed, arrogant behaviour of the elite sickens us.”
The cabinet
Cabinet secretary Norman Steele: “I would describe the mood at cabinet as less than deferential. Not just the chants of ‘Stand up if you hate Boris’ that greet him the moment he enters the room but also several high-profile ministers joining forces to debag him and force him to sit in the corridor wearing a dunce’s hat.
“They’re appalled that they were unable to have drinks with him on the patio and were instead forced to look on from their windows, taking photos out of a sense of public duty.”
Johnson’s family
Johnson’s sister Rachel: “It’s fair to say that Alex can expect a rough ride this Christmas. In our robustly humorous Johnson family way we’ve put an artificial snowman in the front garden with a wooden sign reading ‘BORIS IS A SHIT’.
“And just jolly well wait and see his face when he unwraps his present from all of us. It’s a giant sack of manure, to which we all chipped in. It seems strange because we used to think he was a great bloke until a fortnight ago, but you have to bear in mind that we’re all bastards too.”
