Free turnips to quell ‘plebs’ row

DAVID Cameron is offering a ‘lovely turnip’ to every non-land owning home to counter accusations of Tory elitism.

This minimum-wager has stolen a tasty pudding

The root vegetable offering follows lingering disgruntlement over allegations chief whip Andrew Mitchell called a policeman a ‘pleb’.

Cameron said: “This perception of Conservatives as cocksure ‘Lord Snooty’ caricatures to whom the general populace are a seething mass of barely-literate, hessian-clad imbeciles is a tired, baseless piece of reverse snobbery.

“And to prove our empathy and generosity towards the masses, every non-land owning household is to get a free, juicy turnip.

“That’s right. A whole turnip, yours to do with as you please. Roast it, make it into flavourless soup, or simply eat it raw.

“Don’t fight over it though. Then we’d have to get the police out, assuming they still obey us.”

Tory backbencher Denys Finch Hatton denied that the word pleb was derogatory. He said: “Even had Andrew said that, it’s one of those words that’s been reclaimed.

“At Westminster we use the p-word all thing the time, whenever I see George Osborne I’ll go, ‘What’s up, my pleb?’ and he’ll reply ‘Oooo arrr’.”

Mother-of-two Nikki Hollis said: “When a man on a cart threw a turnip through my living room window I was quite shocked. Who do they think they are?

“But, still – free turnip.”