A FRESHER’S entirely new personality, developed and nurtured during his first term at university, is proving surprisingly unpopular with his hometown friends.
18-year-old Jack Browne, who now spells his first name ‘jaq’ without capitals, has reinvented himself as a genderqueer astrology-obsessed singer-songwriter, only for his mates to describe it as ‘bullshit’.
Friend Oli O’Connor said: “Astrology? He never even looked at the horoscopes in the Sun when he was reading the football results. Now apparently he’s Aries with Scorpio f**king rising.
“And this whole thing where he sweeps his fringe down and mutters like Joaquin Phoenix in Joker wasn’t much in evidence when we worked at Wetherspoons and he had special hand signals to alert me to girls with nice arses.
“We went down the pub, and all he wanted to talk about was his affinity for female singer-songwriters and his view that cis men should stop producing music to let other voices shine.
“I asked about Arsenal. He ‘doesn’t really follow them anymore’. I asked if he’d hooked up, and he said I was a foot soldier of the patriarchy. I asked how long this bullshit would last and he muttered under his fringe again. Me and his mum think Easter.”
Fellow friend Jordan Gardner said: “I can’t even bear to see him now. And that’s nothing to do with my coming back after the first term as a non-binary singer-songwriter into astrology.”
