YESTERDAY I accused striking NHS staff of consciously choosing to inflict harm on patients. I’m here to tell you why it was definitely a foolproof way of getting people to vote Tory again.
Because who does the public like more? Hardworking nurses who save their lives and offer comfort and care in frightening times, or a bunch of corrupt, freeloading bastards who have gleefully shafted the NHS?
That’s right, they like us better. We’re the goodies. Just ask ex-editor of The Sun Kelvin Mackenzie who called ambulance drivers ‘vile shitbags’ for wanting a fair wage and safe working conditions. Does The Sun have a history of attacking innocent people and generally being a stain on the UK? I don’t think so.
Britons agree that refusing to negotiate makes us tough like Phil Mitchell, rather than petty dickheads who could have stopped the strike before it got to this point. And they certainly don’t think the reason the NHS is on its knees is 12 years of Conservative mismanagement.
No, they wish they could take back all that clapping they did during Covid and tell health workers to pull their fingers out and stop being snowflakes. So what if they’ve had a real terms pay cut? So has everyone else. Well, except politicians. But we’re more important than you.
As health secretary, I know everything there is to know about health, just like I knew everything about treasure when I was treasury secretary a couple of years ago. I definitely know more than a nurse with a degree and years of experience.
And the bottom line is that people who do life-saving work don’t need more money, they just need to be grateful they’ve got a job in the first place. Voters will thank me for my hardline attitude at the ballot box, won’t you? You’d better, or I’ll find a way to privatise the f**k out of you too.