Friend with wife, children and six-figure job thinks he's better than you

A FRIEND who has a stable marriage, two happy children, a fulfilling high-earning career, a big house and an expensive car believes it makes him superior to you. 

Martin Bishop, who has known you since school, gave away that he considers himself to have made more of his life than you have when he not only bought all the drinks but offered to ‘help you out’ with a taxi home.

Old pal Tom Booker said: “We’ve got different priorities, that’s all.

“I wouldn’t want all the sellout wife and kids stuff, which is why I never stay in a relationship longer than a year, and he wouldn’t want my – the things I – what I’ve got.

“Sure, if you judge by material success, or stability, or I suppose long-term happiness then he’s doing better. But he knows I don’t walk that path. Doesn’t mean he’s got any right to set himself above me.

“He was going on about this amazing California holiday he’d had with the family, a bit insensitive when he knows I spent the summer on remand and it wasn’t even my fault.

“I bit back the urge to say, ‘And that makes you better than me, does it?'”

Bishop said: “I think he’s back living at his dad’s again, aged 38. I mean I’ve only got so much pity to give.”

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Piers Morgan: If we were truly a liberal country, we'd have more tolerance for a complete twat like me

BY PIERS MORGAN

IF IT’S true that you can judge a society by how it treats its elderly, then it’s equally true that you can judge a liberal country by how it treats its total arseholes.

Arseholes like me. And I can report that so-called ‘liberal’ Britain fails the test.

Anyone can tolerate the nice, the decent. David Attenborough. Brian Cox. My colleague, Susanna Reid. Even Stalin would have found it easy to tolerate Susanna Reid.

The real test comes in tolerating the vain, ubiquitous, toxic, narcissistic, bloviating, obnoxious members of humanity. Which is where I come in.

My role, a vital function for which I receive no thanks, is to expose hypocrisy.

Every time I come out with a thunderously excremental, self-aggrandising comment, every time I reveal myself to be a spadefaced, gassy, class A twat, am I thanked? Nobody says, ‘Well done, Piers, for acting the prancing, poisonous tit and proving that there’s room for all sorts in our democracy. You have proved our tolerance to be real.’

No, instead they call for me to be shot out of a cannon into a distant septic tank.

By hating me, Piers Morgan, you show yourself to be just as bad as the racists. In fact by hating the racists you show yourself to be even worse than the racists, and almost as bad as me.

But nothing like as bad as Gary Lineker.