Heartfelt status update quickly scanned for anything of any real importance

A HEARTFELT Facebook status update has been quickly scanned to see if the poster was saying anything important or just after a bit of attention.

Wayne Hayes saw the update by friend Martin Bishop which began, ‘I don’t say this often and it’s something I should do more…’

Hayes said: “My first thought was ‘Uh oh, what’s going on here’ before quickly remembering that people just do that kind of thing nowadays to get some attention from people.

“I quickly scanned the whole paragraph, which probably could have done with being split into two parts to be honest, for anything of genuine importance. Words like ‘pregnant’, ‘new job’, ‘constant sense of impending doom’, things like that.

“But there was just a bunch of stuff about people in his life meaning a lot to him, he’s happy that he’s a human being and then something about listening to Fleetwood Mac more often, which in fairness, was the reason I ‘liked’ it.”

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute of Studies added, “Thanks to social media, the backs of pub toilet doors are now very rarely in need of a new paint job.”

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The Mash guide to the best boxes to buy instead of a house

CAN’T afford a house? You could live in one of these boxes instead.

With house prices rising again, there has never been a better time to explore cardboard-based living option. These great boxes should be just about within your price range, unless you live in London where boxes could be twice as much for some reason.

Shoebox Whilst not the biggest of boxes, a shoebox can bring a real element of style to your living arrangements, though it does depend on the type of shoe that was in the box. A luxury shoe brand’s box would be the equivalent of a New York loft apartment, whereas a Clarks box is comparable to a maisonette above a kebab shop in Swindon.

Matchbox Pros: compact, bijou and cosy with good use made of the available space. Cons: massive fire safety risk.

Fridge freezer box The Barbican of box-dwelling, a fridge freezer box offers considerable space though could benefit from some modernisation. Your friends will be jealous that you can almost stand up in it but describe it as ‘a wanky brutalist eyesore’ behind your back.

Coffin You’re going to need one eventually anyway, so why not invest early in one of these ruinously expensive boxes and get some proper use out of it.

KFC bucket Damp, oddly shaped and smells constantly of sweaty chicken. Basically like most houses in London.