Friendship tested by really long email

A CLOSE friendship has been severely tested by a long personal email that will take ages to read.

Eleanor Shaw of Cardiff was initially delighted to receive a message from university friend Susan Traherne, but admitted that replying to the 15-paragraph email is a burden she does not need.

She said: “Who sends an email that long? What is this, the fucking 90s?

“She’d clearly sat down and taken the time to sum up her situation with a few funny anecdotes, reminding me of the good times we’ve shared and making the effort to keep our friendship alive, and it’s really done my head in.

“Like this isn’t something I could bang out an answer to quickly. It’d be at least 45 minutes of typing while frequently referring back to the original, and I’m trying to watch The Crown. 

“She lives 200 miles away, we’ve both got kids, I work weekends, so what I’m saying is that it’s in everyone’s best interest to let this die a natural death.”

Shaw added: “Why couldn’t she have just kept up with the odd comment on Facebook, like a normal person? This friendship could have limped happily along for another decade.”

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Trump has already pressed fake nuclear button CIA gave him over a dozen times

DONALD Trump has nearly worn out the large fake red button that the CIA told him would set off nuclear weapons.

Trump first pressed the button after getting a lukewarm cup of coffee during his first day at the Whitehouse and has pressed it incessantly ever since.

A White House insider said, “He was watching a repeat of Who Wants to be a Millionaire? yesterday and he got the £1,000 question wrong and he just totally lost it and said that people needed to pay for that.

The question was ‘What is the capital of Peru?’ So you can guess who he decided to nuke for that one.

Bolivia. Because that’s what he thought the answer was.

He then decided that Italians were generally a bit rude so he knew how to sort that out.

He’s currently under the impression that we also nuked France yesterday because he once received unsatisfactory service in a restaurant in Barcelona.

There are a number of things wrong with that sentence but if we start highlighting them then we have to start highlighting all the other stuff too and we really don’t have the time.”