Thursday, 29th October 2020

Full stops to be formally retired in favour of 'lol'

FULL stop usage is being suspended indefinitely now that most people end every single written sentence with ‘lol’.

The acronym initially meant ‘laugh out loud’ but has now drifted to mean ‘I am a fun person’, ‘I meant no offence’ and, predominantly, ‘I have stopped writing and it is your turn’.

English professor Helen Archer said: “The noble full stop has served us for centuries, but now it is time for the internet to replace it with some dumbed down, idiotic bullshit, as it has everything else in the world that is good and right.

“From a sympathy card to a government report of child poverty, writing ‘lol’ to indicate the end of a sentence is now simply correct usage. ‘LMFAO’ or ‘ROFL’ are acceptable variants.

“As of 2020, full stops will become laughably antiquated, and people will make videos of teenagers trying to use them, like they do now with rotary phones and cassette tapes.

“There will probably be some people who insist they have a certain retro charm, like those oddballs who love vinyl records, but ultimately the full stop’s long reign is over lol”