Man turns fun snowman into pathetic ego trip

NO ONE is quite sure what a man was trying to prove by building a ridiculously large and detailed snowman.

After nine hours of toil in his garden, marketing manager Martin Bishop created a complicated snow sculpture for no obvious reason other than wanting to show off.

Girlfriend Nikki Hollis said: “We were making a little snowman but Martin took over and kept making it bigger. He had that crazed, competitive look in his eyes he gets on charity fun runs.

“I soon lost interest, but hours later he’d built a surprisingly well-crafted snowman with eyes, ears and even an adam’s apple. With all that facial detail it looks weirdly like a police photofit of an armed robber.

“I know Martin likes to be best at everything but I think putting it on Facebook with the caption ‘I am the king of the snowmen, bitches!’ was a bit excessive.”

Bishop said: “It was totally just a bit of fun but frankly it pisses on other snowmen. Next door’s is barely two feet tall with wonky eyes, so try a bit harder next time, you five-year-old twat.”

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Kid with sledge happily sets off to fracture ankle in two places

A 10-YEAR-OLD boy has set off with his sledge for a magical day that will end in A & E with a broken ankle.

After hearing that school was cancelled, Tom Booker excitedly left the house carrying his traditional wooden sledge, totally ignoring his mother’s warnings about not doing anything stupid.

He said: “This is going to be the best day ever!”

However by lunchtime Booker will be the subject of a complex network of inter-parent phone calls after he stoves it into a telegraph pole and fractures his ankle in two places.

Booker will later say: “Looking back, I probably should not have allowed the big kids to egg me on to tackling the so-called ‘Death Run’ down an especially steep hill, between various prickly bushes and with no clear landing zone apart from either a wall or a massive pole.

“Just because they’re an impressive 12 years old, it doesn’t mean they know everything.”