'Funny' friend in group actually just very loud

The ‘funniest’ one in a group of friends is actually just being much louder than everyone else, it has been confirmed.

Jules Smith, one of the quieter members of the group said: “People are always saying how funny George is and how he always ‘brings the banter’.

“But I just stopped and thought, ‘what if he isn’t actually funny, and what if he’s just a loud prick?’”

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Loudness can compensate for a vast range of sub-par and often offensive humour.

“Meanwhile, the loud one is also at high risk of repeating a joke someone else has just said but louder, talking over people with such confidence that it creates the illusion they are saying something different.”

Jules Smith said: “I hope George takes on board these findings, heralding the age of the quiet funny friend. Perhaps I could then say funny things out loud rather than just putting them on Twitter.”

George said: “Study this!” and then made the V-sign with both hands, to the delight of onlookers.

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Please don’t make me be Prime Minister, begs Corbyn

JEREMY Corbyn has pleaded with Britain not to make him the prime minister under any circumstances.

With the Tories on the brink of meltdown, Corbyn is physically sick at how close he is to power, insisting he has always been very clear he is a ‘indignant protest kind of guy’.

He said: “I thought everyone would get the hint when I basically won the general election but didn’t try to become prime minister in any way.

“I’ve even batted away some really easy vote winners – there’s so much pressure on me to campaign for a second EU referendum or membership of the single market, but then I’d definitely bloody win, wouldn’t I?

“Even after ruling out a second referendum, people keep saying I’m playing the ‘long game’. The only long game I’m playing is to be a rebel hero to some students for another couple of years and then write a book.

“Stop moving the goalposts.”

Corbyn then hid behind the toolshed on his allotment and stuffed his ears with fresh kale.