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Gen Z worker on mental health break after getting text that ended in full stop

AN office worker is taking time off work with stress after receiving a message from an older colleague that concluded with a full stop.

Josh Hudson, 21, had been in good spirits before being ‘emotionally blindsided’ by the text and its ‘aggressive’ use of punctuation, which meant he had to be signed off sick.

Hudson said: “I couldn’t believe my eyes at first, but there it was: that horrible little dot. I felt so overwhelmed with dread I had to have a lie down.

“Who does that to someone? Everyone knows that a full stop makes the most innocuous message seem sinister and terrifying. I’d honestly have preferred to receive a letter written in his blood.

“A colon would have left me feeling a bit confused. An ellipsis would have just proved his age. But a full stop is truly over the line. These millennials really need to think more about the damage caused by their violent grammar.”

The offending message was sent by Tom Logan, 41, who maintains he has ‘no f**king idea what’s going on’.

Logan said: “All I said was ‘see you tomorrow’ with a full stop at the end. I could have told him I thought he was a pathetic little wetwipe followed by an exclamation mark. That would have shit him up for life.”

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'Wait, for I am the true heir to the Chagos Islands!' declares Kirstie Allsopp

THE handover of the Chagos Islands has been delayed at the eleventh hour after Kirstie Allsopp appeared dramatically in court, brandishing documents.

The Location, Location, Location presenter, who appeared to have waded through wetlands and combed crumbling ruins to obtain her proof, demanded all proceedings be halted immediately and her sovereign claim be recognised.

She continued: “I knew what Keir was doing was a betrayal, for I am a Tory. But I felt it on a primal level, as if my ancestors were crying out to warn me of a great injustice.

“Delving within family records, I found the smoking gun: my great-times-seven grandfather, one Jean-Francois de La Alsoppe, had been shipwrecked on that very archipelago.

“But I needed proof of residency, for which I have criss-crossed the globe from Mauritius to Quebec to the darkness of an abandoned records office deep within a Nantwich salt mine. At one point I fought off a pack of wolves armed only with my trusty BMW Z3.

“But now I have it – documentation that shows he lived there for seven years, enough to establish his claim, plus first-hand written testimony that he carved the family crest into a tree and consequently remains the legal owner of the islands with all rights thereof.

“Here’s my bill for ground rent backdated for 400 years, and here’s a letter advising that due to unavoidable recent expenses there will be a sharp rise in the service charge.”

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