Gentrifier couple thrilled by short interaction with working class locals

AN EX-LONDON couple are very excited after a brief exchange with working class locals in their new area.

Tom and Sarah Booker, who probably have a website selling vintage jeans, moved from London to a traditionally less affluent area of Bristol and are both thrilled and scared by the ‘old school’ locals.

Tom Booker said: “There’s a local hardware shop that doesn’t even have a logo and sells really old-fashioned things like ‘moth repellent’ and ‘shovels’.

“The staff are a local family who probably like football and I asked them if they sold Apple chargers and they just said ‘no, sorry’. It was brilliant.

“They didn’t direct me to their website or their Twitter feed, or even try to charm me into buying something else.

“Then I was like ‘no problem, I can probably get it online’. Then the old guy returned to whatever he was doing ‘out back’ of the shop.”

Sarah Booker said: “After this I think we can definitely say we’ve fully integrated. We’re supporting local businesses and next we’ll be visiting the local un-renovated pub with no windows on the street side.”

Tom Booker added: “I’m not going in that pub.”

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Nurses to get pay rise if they become firemen too

NURSES will get a six per cent pay rise on the condition that they also do the job of the Fire Service, the government has announced.

Ministers are confident nurses can find time to extinguish fires, attend road accidents and rescue cats from trees during the course of their ordinary duties if they really try.

Health secretary Jeremy Hunt said: “If nurses want extra pay then they must accept extra responsibilities, like running into burning buildings wielding axes. It’s still saving lives.

“When a special alarm goes off in hospitals nurses will simply stop what they’re doing and run to their fire engine outside. Patients won’t mind because it will all be terribly exciting.

“Anyone injured in fires or car crashes can simply be treated at the scene, relieving pressure on NHS beds, with roadsides made into sterile operating theatres by the application of high-pressure hoses.

“It won’t cost taxpayers a penny because we’ll save a fortune by abolishing the Fire Service. If anyone can see a flaw in this plan I’d love to hear it!”

Fire-nurse Donna Sheridan said: “Great. Now I’ve got men and women going on about how sexy I am in uniform.”