Blue passports to reek of garlic

BRITAIN’S post-Brexit blue passports are to be impregnated with the stench of garlic and snails by their French manufacturers, it has emerged. 

The passports, which have been hailed as the only tangible benefit of leaving the EU, will be manufactured by Franco-Dutch company Gemalto and forever tainted by their continental sophistication.

A Gemalto spokesman said: “Our manufacturing process will be entirely staffed by thin-moustached Frenchmen who read Sartre, drink two bottles of wine for lunch and have complicated affairs.

“They will be touching your passport, touching it with their baguette fingers, and consequently it will reek of garlic from 40 paces. Customs officials will cover their noses when you approach.

“The executive level of the business is entirely Dutch, however, high on skunk and office prostitutes, so will print the Royal seal backwards making a mockery of your ‘sovereignty’.

“It will be a passport of shame, of failure, of betrayal. A passport of Brexit.”

Leave voter Roy Hobbs of Barnsley said: “As long as it’s blue. Nothing else matters if it’s blue.”