Giving kids stuff makes them like you, uncles confirm

THE nation’s uncles have confirmed that if you turn up every three months or so with a big present, the kids think you are great. 

Tom Booker, an uncle to four children, admitted that he had initially expected it to be hard work forming a bond, but that big gifts do the job very efficiently. 

He said: “They’re at the windows when before I’ve even got out of the car, shouting ‘Uncle Tommy! Uncle Tommy!’ 

“Then I do this thing where I head to the front door, do a double-take, go back to the car and get whatever I’ve just bought them out of the boot while they work themselves into a frenzy. 

“I expected I’d have to play with them, you know, get on the carpet and put some time in, but they really don’t care. So I just head to kitchen and help myself to a beer.

“I get the whole works: ‘We love you, Uncle Tommy!’ ‘When are you coming again, Uncle Tommy?’ all for about £40 a quarter.

“I’ve considered writing some sort of guide, but it would be very short.”