GOD is dead and patriotism is intellectually bankrupt, the Girl Guides have announced.
The movement’s new oath shuns the concepts of deity and nationhood but retains a pledge of loyalty to the Queen after the monarch wrote what the Guides described as a ‘pitiful begging letter’.
Conservative MP, Sir Denys Finch-Hatton, said: “They are on the road to hell. The Girl Guides have become a nihilistic, pseudo-anarchist militia, hungry for meth.”
But Emma Johnson, a 13 year-old Guide from Stevenage, said: “We now worship the sacred feminine. We have no need of your crumbling deity, spouting the same old Stone Age bullshit.”
Johnson also dismissed the nation state as an ’embarrassing relic of the 20th Century’, adding: “It is simply an instrument for the conduct of capitalist, phallocentric wars.
“Each Girl Guide troop is now an informal community of free individuals, searching for meaning while unencumbered by the fascistic structures of national identity.”
Johnson also revealed that the Queen’s letter was ‘pathetic’.
“She said that if we ditched her then her entire 60 year reign would have been an utter waste of time.
‘We’ll throw her a bone, but when she’s gone we’ll probably pledge our loyalty to Sarah Lund, Annie Lennox or this one armed doll we found in a skip. It’s all just a load of piss anyway.
“God is dead. Fuck Britain.”