A GOTH is clearly not enjoying having to wear a lurid uniform as part of their weekend retail job.
Customers of the Asda where 18-year-old goth James Bates works on weekends have noticed his clear discomfort with having to wear a garish green polo shirt instead of an all-black ensemble including a top hat.
Shopper Margaret Gerving said: “I know goths usually look sad, but James looks extra-tragic as he stacks multi-packs of Wotsits in pasty white make-up and a gilet embroidered with a corporate logo.
“Maybe he’s contemplating melancholy thoughts about the futility of existence and how we’re all going to die one day. I know that’s what I’d be thinking if I was stuck in a supermarket all weekend, goth or not.
“Or perhaps he’s thinking he should have got a job that’s more compatible with his lifestyle, like an undertaker. Then he could wear a ridiculous black topcoat with skull buttons and have a crow perched on his shoulder all day long.”
Bates added: “I’m pressuring the manager to change the uniform to floor-length leather trench coats. After we sort that, we’ll talk about adding Cradle of Filth to the in-store playlist.”