LONG-term unemployed people attacked the government last night, saying it obviously has no idea what makes them tick.
As ministers announced tough new measures to get them off the sofa, benefit claimants warned they would have to try a lot harder than that.
Work and pensions secretary James Purnell told the Commons yesterday: "The long term unemployed would love nothing more than to get up at 7am and be bossed around all day by some jumped-up little tit.
"They certainly do not want to just sit around eating Wotsits and shouting at the Jeremy Kyle programme."
But Tom Logan, a shiftless 28 year-old, said: "The only problem with that last sentence is the word 'not'. And unfortunately it's a pretty big problem.
"Let me run this up the flagpole. If we're out working all day then it means we're not here watching the Jeremy Kyle programme and so all the people who work for the Jeremy Kyle programme will be out of a job.
"And the same goes for Trisha, Loose Women and Cash in the Attic. So all that happens is you end up swapping one set of benefit claims for another. Now that, my friend, is economics."
Logan added: "In all honesty, I should probably go and work for Mr Purnell and help him sort all of this out. But unfortunately I can't because I've just opened this large bag of Wotsits. Do you see?"