Government launches fruit machine training course

WITH proper jobs increasingly scarce, the government has launched a fruit machine skills course aimed at the long-term unemployed.

According to tutors on the free gambling machine course, titled Get Fruity!, skilled players can earn up to £440 per day.

Fruit machine trainer Tom Logan said: “It’s a money-based game with an element of chance. You’re basically a banker, but you can wear jogging bottoms to work.

“Lots of young people want to get into fruit machines, but they don’t know where to start. The flashing lights and music are simultaneously appealing and confusing.

“Our course covers all the basics of playing the fruities, from how best to deploy your nudges to how to tell if a machine’s paid out recently just by looking at it from a funny angle.”

Unemployed Stephen Malley said: “They start you off an a beginner’s machine like The Addams Family, working up to something a bit more sophisticated like Wheel of Fortune.

“After three months I’ve nearly broken even. It’s really given me my self-esteem back.

“I used to spend all day on the sofa playing console games, now I’m in the local chain casino where there’s exciting people of all ages and they have free chips on Tuesdays.”


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