THE government is tackling the £700-a-year rise in energy costs with its new ‘Get pissed to keep warm’ plan.
The initiative encourages families struggling with heating costs to turn down the thermostat and instead use the power of simple alcohol to warm themselves from the inside out.
Rishi Sunak said: “The best way to keep yourself from feeling the cold is, and has always been, the drink.
“Don’t believe me? Try it for yourself. Shut off the radiators, extinguish that open fire, open the windows and sink half a bottle of gin. You’ll not feel the slightest hint of a chill. Finish the bottle and you’ll have a great night’s sleep without even needing a duvet.
“It’s how the homeless keep so toasty in winter, and why do you think Russia, a famously frozen country, can export so much gas? Because they’re all permanently pissed.
“It’s sustainable, it’s carbon neutral, and it’s available at a variety of price points from White Lightning to Grey Goose. No matter what you choose, you’ll be glowing with your own personal central heating.”
He added: “I understand there are Britons out there who suffer alcohol problems for whom this method is unavailable. To them I say, have you tried MDMA?”