Sunday, 1st November 2020

Grandfather's dearest wish is to pass down his ignorance to his grandchildren

A GRANDAD hopes that with his help and guidance, his grandkids can end up as stupid and ill-informed as he is.

Roy Hobbs, 74, hopes that the ignorant ideas he inherited from his own parents about homosexuals, the monarchy, foreigners, women and in fact most topics will be passed on to his descendants.

Hobbs said: “I worry about the influence of the internet and the way kids can look up facts instead of relying on what your racist auntie Maureen told you.

“In my day, we went outdoors and climbed trees, then got all our information about the world from Bernard Manning, Love Thy Neighbour, the Daily Mail and whatever our own parents reckoned from watching two minutes of news a day.

“We never had balanced views handed to us on a plate. We had to make our own opinions, which we pulled out of our arses and we were all the better for it.

“I hope I can instil in my grandchildren my own values – don’t go reading books, make sure you never leave your home town, and, above all, never trust a Chinaman.”

Hobbs is currently telling his 17-year-old granddaughter Emily to vote according to your gut instinct or for someone who seems like a laugh, such as Boris Johnson.