Sunday, 1st November 2020

Welsh install Scouse-detectors

THE Welsh have installed a network of foolproof Scouse-detectors along their northern border. 

The detectors, which cover every road and path into the country from Shotwick down to Hay-on-Wye, can instantly detect any Liverpudlian incursion and alert police. 

First minister Mark Drakeford said: “Sensitive microphones are trained on every border crossing. At the same time, we’ve erected signs on roadsides asking questions like ‘Who’s the best Beatle?’ and ‘Our Cilla, eh?’. 

“It’s impossible for a Scouser to pass one without bursting into voluble argument, tribute or tears. They simply can’t do it. The mics pick it up and they’re stopped by our roadblocks before they reach the chorus of ‘Hey Jude’. 

“The system is infallible. Even the most committed Liverpool fan can’t not mutter ‘Learnt everything he knows on the streets of Croxteth, la’ when passing a billboard of Wayne Rooney. 

“And by covering our borders with a load of Scouse rubbish we’re successfully repelling everyone from the Greater Manchester area as well. It’s win-win.” 

Tom Logan of Birkenhead said: “It’s discriminatory and unfair. And that sign’s right, John Bishop’s funnier than Peter Kay any day. He’s boss.”