THE history of Western civilisation is expected to come full circle today when Greece brings it crashing to the ground.
With most European and American banks now filled to bursting with worthless pieces of paper handed out willy-nilly by the Greek ‘government’, experts say the world of science, art and democracy which was born in Athens 2500 years ago and spread its glow across the Western hemisphere is now fucked into a tinker’s bucket.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Given that it was founded by Greeks, I’m amazed it lasted as long as it did.
“Plato’s Republic is full of spelling mistakes and airy-fairy bullshit, Aristotle was always dropping trays and bumping into pillars and Archimedes spent his entire life inventing a water pump that takes absolutely fucking ages.”
He added: “If only we had been inspired by Spaniards. The buildings may not have been so grand – or actually finished – but we’d have afternoons off and be able to maintain a clear conscience while doing unspeakable things to a donkey.
“Beyond that I’m not sure we had much choice. Italian civilisation is based largely on paying protection money to hot-headed olive oil importers, British civilisation is fine as long as you actually prefer it when things don’t work, while German civilisation does have a tendency to get a bit… carried away.
“And French civilisation is of course an oxymoron, much like German humour, Italian ethics, British cuisine and French soap, French decency and French not fucking my wife.”
Professor Brubaker said it was now time to plan for a post-civilisation society, stressing the transition would be much easier for long term viewers of ITV.