Guardian family makes gender-neutral snow-being

A GUARDIAN-LOVING family has made a snow individual who is not constrained by gender boundaries.

The Booker family, from Brighton, enjoyed a fun-packed day building the ‘snow-based person who chooses not to identify as male or female’.

Architect and George Monbiot groupie Tom Booker said: “We explained to the children that creating a snow person is actually a massive responsibility, and the choices we make can really affect that lump of snow’s self-image.

“Our son wanted to call it ‘Mental Barry’ so we explained, in a calm and non-judgemental manner, that this snow-being may not wish to adhere to hetero-normative gender types.

“Eventually, via a democratic family referendum, we decided to call him/her/it ‘Pin-Pin’ after a character from a high quality Japanese animated film about fairies that we often watch together during ‘TV hour’.”

He added: “Our task complete, we returned to the house to reward ourselves with carrot sticks and hummus.”

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May confirms 'sense of optimism' actually means 'never-ending sea of piss'

THERESA May has confirmed the Brexit negotiations continue to be a ‘gigantic sea of piss’.

The prime minister insisted that any ‘sense of optimism’ in the wake of last week’s agreement was ‘just another fuck-up’. She then unveiled a rudimentary drawing of the gun towers she wants to position along the Irish border from March 2019.

She said: “Yesterday I instructed David Davis to renege on the Irish border deal and this morning I instructed him to retract that.

“I am now retracting that retraction, while insisting that these gun towers will never be built.

“Let me be clear – I fully intend to build these gun towers.”

The prime minister added: “Nothing is agreed until everything is retracted. Nothing is everything until retraction is agreement.

“That is the definition of leadership.”