Men remain awkwardly divided over man hugs

MEN are split over where a full embrace is really an appropriate way to greet other males.

Man hugs were introduced 25 years ago as a response to the power combination of Ecstasy and house music. The tactile greeting has since spread throughout social life and work, sometimes causing extreme awkwardness.

Teacher Stephen Malley said: “I’m okay hugging another man if their grandad’s just died, but not if they’re just my Natwest mortgage advisor.

“If I’m just dealing with another man in a work context then I don’t particularly need to feel his hot breath in my ear.”

Professor Henry Brubaker at the Institute for Studies said: “Last week we discovered a dentist met a new client to discuss root canal work and warmly hugged him in the reception area. It was horrible.

“Mostly it’s a middle class phenomenon, at the moment we’re predicting man hugs to take at least two years to reach plumbers but it may be sooner. 

“Why did we let this happen? It used to be such a simple world.” 

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Story of journey to work told as if it were epic Viking saga

A MAN’S difficult journey through snow and ice to work has already taken on all the epic qualities of a Viking saga, colleagues have confirmed. 

Sales manager Nathan Muir, who lives in the depths of Cannock, recounted his thrilling odyssey from home with the grandiosity of Erik the Red discovering Greenland. 

He said: “The drive snowed was, the gate dug out, the lane snowed also. 

“But bright shone the sun in my heart as I began and all fear was banished as I trusted my honour, my family and my life to my Skoda Octavia Estate with Rough Road package and electronic differential lock. 

“High flew the snow from my wheels, higher than the lofted pines, as I blazed a trail through maiden whiteness to the relative safety of the A34, a prayer to Odin always on my lips. 

“And though the wheels did spin and the salt was sparse I freed myself from ice as though Utgard-Loki the frost giant himself were my enemy, and defeated he lay.” 

Muir has confirmed he will spend the day feasting in his great hall with his warriors to celebrate his great victory over the darkness, and if anyone needs him he and his team are in meeting room seven.