MIDDLE-CLASS perverts are packing car parks in forests for their new obsession of ‘wild copulation’, formerly known as dogging.
The newly-gentrified activity combines the open air, trangressive sexuality, and watching others do all the work in a single evening’s smug entertainment.
Freelance copywriter Emma Bradford said: “People worry about the cold, but honestly it’s so invigorating you don’t feel it. Instead you feel energised and empowered.
“It’s a traditional working-class activity that’s been practiced, with a bracing indifference to its legality, for generations. You’re reconnecting with nature, going back to our country’s very roots, and there really is nothing like the night breeze on your tits.
“I’ve lived in Romford for years and yet never realised that, right on our doorstep, were some of the most scenic spots to be humped by a butcher anywhere in the UK.”
Tom Logan, aged 38, a recent convert, said: “It’s amazing how much natural beauty there is to be found in our nation’s lay-bys, just waiting to be discovered.
“We nip out after tapas and stand around with the other Guardian readers discussing schools while watching a couple go at it in the back of a Vauxhall Zafira. Fancy some flavoured lube? It’s organic avocado and kale.”