IN your life you’ve encountered a few people as forcefully deluded as former PM Liz Truss. These were the ones who snubbed reality:
The chemistry supply teacher
Every lesson, a riot unfolded in front of her. Kids were lighting fags off the burning gas taps. Balls of silver foil flew at her face. Chesny just got up and rubbed out the whole diagram she’d just chalked up. It was like it wasn’t happening. Unperturbed due to her spectacularly misguided self-belief, she announced the end of class to nobody.
Your sister-in-law
A bar-raising fuckwit who makes inedible wheat pancakes fried in olive oil, strips wallpaper pissed and takes off half the plaster, and once lost her car for three days because she thought it was a red one. As absolutely convinced of her own brilliance as Truss still is as if the evidence wasn’t right f**king there.
The woman who crashed her car into yours
She steps out of the Audi, blinking as if it will make the twatted rear-end of your car blur and resolve itself, then turns on you. How could you let this happen when she was on her way to a business brunch? Why couldn’t you, so petty and insignificant, have simply anticipated her trajectory? At least, she comforts herself, the insurers will take her side.
Your former boss
Every financial indicator pointed to his restaurant going down the shitter. Every accountant warned him. The customers made their displeasure apparent. He blithely breezed through up to the very point the bailiffs arrived and then said ‘Don’t fret mate, I’ll talk them round.’ Apparently he still talks up how groundbreaking it was. Like Truss.
Your ex
Bump into him a few months after that sublime night when he was dumped and he seems to have spent the whole intervening period getting his story straight. He lets loose with 4,000 words of evasions, justifications and assertions as if anyone gives a shit. As if he was given a moment’s thought since.
Jeremy Corbyn
Still out there. Still maintaining that he was entirely correct, any successes were entirely down to him and any failures were thanks to saboteurs. Bemoaning the country’s failure to accept how great he is to this day. No, you haven’t met him, but you’ve met loads of pricks like him.
