Guardian-reading Labour couple checking they’re not Nazis

A MIDDLE-CLASS couple who are Labour party members are investigating whether they are vile anti-semites.

Guardian articles about Labour’s alleged anti-semitism have left earnest liberals Tom and Jemima Logan worried they must hate Jewish people without knowing it.

Teacher Tom said: “I checked Facebook in case I’d been putting up disgusting racial slurs and mad conspiracy theories, but luckily I hadn’t.

“I did find a post saying Jeff Goldblum was annoying in Jurassic Park, but I don’t think that counts as hardcore anti-semitism.

“It’s also probably okay that I had a ‘German Stormtrooper’ Action Man when I was six, although obviously I’m ashamed of my youthful militarism.”

University administrator Jemima said: “Recently I had words with a Jewish guy at work but that was strictly about him borrowing my stapler, not secretly controlling the world.

“I’m also pretty sure I’ve never joined a racist group like the National Front, unless there was some terrible mix-up with our National Trust application.”