Hairdresser's opinions increasingly dodgy

A MAN’S haircut ended just moments before he would have been forced to agree with a morally indefensible statement by his hairdresser, he has confirmed.

Alarm bells went off for Tom Booker during a cut-and-blow at Hair Today when chatty stylist Emma Bradford ominously mentioned immigration.

Booker said: “It’s possible she could’ve been in favour of it, embracing multiculturalism and  encouraging greater diversity in the hair-styling community. But I reckoned not.

“It’s the nightmare scenario every British person dreads – someone saying vile, bigoted things and you being powerless not to tacitly agree, because that’s obviously better than causing a fuss.

“I distracted her by asking about her Yorkshire terrier, and things were fine for a bit then she started talking about ‘who really controls the world’.

“Anti-semitism is completely unacceptable, but I’m pretty cowardly and she was snipping away with razor-sharp scissors near my delicate pink ears. So I said ‘mmm’.

“That’s when she finished. I would’ve liked more off the fringe, but I needed to get out of there before we started on The Protocols of the Elders of Zion.

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Mums ever so grateful to Daily Mail for parenting tips

MOTHERS across Britain have thanked the Daily Mail for always pointing out that they are doing every single fucking thing wrong. 

Whether working full-time, staying at home with their kids, single, married, young, old or gay, the newspaper is always there, reminding them that any perceived failings in their children are entirely their fault.

Mother-of-three Emma Bradford said: “I work part-time, which means I’m guilty of both abandoning my children like a feminazi and smothering them like a helicopter parent.

“Obviously I don’t want my children to be obese, like a bad mother, but nor should I be ferrying them to sports clubs all the time like an obsessive tiger mom living for her children’s achievements.

“Basically whatever I do will ruin my children and I’ll be to blame. Meanwhile fathers are required to do nothing, and if I ever ask then he’ll have an affair.

“So thanks, Daily Mail for making me a better mother. By which I mean go fuck yourself.”