THE rollout of Plan B restrictions was conveniently timed to distract you from the Christmas party scandal, but did it work? Find out with our quiz.
What was your first thought this morning?
A) I’d better buy some more face masks now that I need to wear them in public spaces.
B) It’s a bit rich that Jacob Rees-Mogg didn’t get fired for joking just like Allegra Stratton.
What’s the mood like in the office?
A) Pretty downbeat. Everyone’s probably sad that we need to work from home as of next week.
B) Pretty downbeat. Everyone’s probably thinking about how our ruling elite is laughing at us.
How did you react when you heard about the restrictions?
A) I was a bit surprised. I thought they were going to introduce them next week but bringing them forwards for no reason whatsoever can’t hurt.
B) I shouted ‘Are you f**king kidding me with this diversionary bullshit?’ then screamed at a pitch only dogs can hear.
Why do you think backbenchers are furious?
A) They’re always cross about something. Today it’s the restrictions, tomorrow it’ll be an expenses scandal. Best just to keep your head down and not think about it.
B) The fact that the Christmas party scandal is haemorrhaging their already depleted reserves of credibility. At this rate they’ll only win by a slimmer majority in the next election.
Do you think the police should launch an inquiry?
A) Into what, the Plan B rules? I don’t think so, we’re just following the science so it would be a waste of their time.
B) Of f**king course, but they won’t because Cressida Dick daren’t bite the hand that feeds her.
Mostly As: The Plan B rules have successfully distracted you from the Christmas party shitshow. It must be very nice living in your naive, deluded little reality.
Mostly Bs: Congratulations, they’ve failed to pull the wool over your eyes. You’re woke to the fact that the Plan B rules are a distraction from the Christmas party scandal, which itself is a distraction from the Nationality and Borders Bill you’re oblivious to.