Friday, 3rd July 2020

'He must have had a f**king good reason for going to Durham' say people from Durham

DURHAM locals have confirmed that you would not decide to pay a visit to the ‘Coventry of the North’ unless you absolutely had to. 

After the city came under scrutiny because of Dominic Cummings’ visits during lockdown, people who live there are perplexed as to why he would have chosen such a shithole as an escape from London.

Tom Booker said: “Even if you needed to isolate your children, you wouldn’t expose them to Durham outside of a wartime scenario, or zombie invasion.

“Do his parents really live here? Is it worth endangering the lives of others just to visit Barnard Castle? I doubt it, whatever the National Trust leaflet says.

“Something else is going on here. I think he was either in possession of the lost Ark of the Covenant or scouting for places to create his autonomous killer robot army.

“There’s no way he would come here just because he thinks it’s nice.”