Hipsters on ironic seaside trips annoying the f**k out of everyone

BRITAIN’S hipsters are making a nuisance of themselves by visiting seaside resorts to enjoy them ironically, it has emerged.

Towns like Clacton-on-Sea are proving irresistible to trendy wankers due to their plentiful supply of crap entertainment that can be enjoyed in a culturally superior way.

Holidaymaker Roy Hobbs said: “The crazy golf was full of Peckham hipsters laughing and saying how shit it was. It really took the shine off getting the ball through the windmill.

“Then the arcade was rammed with yet more of them taking pictures of crap old games like Frogger as if they were rare historical artefacts.

“The last straw was when I went to buy a novelty sweet shaped like a child’s dummy and they’d sold the last one to a skinny branding consultant called Justin.”

New media producer Nikki Hollis said: “We had a wonderful fry-up in an authentic greasy spoon. I could barely keep it down due to all the grease but I’ve got some cool pictures of the sausages.

“The fairground rides were shit, the candyfloss was shit and the Punch and Judy show was mega-shit. I haven’t enjoyed myself so much in ages.”

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Family goes abroad to get a bit of rain

A FAMILY has gone overseas to catch some rain, it has emerged.

Nathan and Nikki Muir took kids Tom and Emma on a family holiday in order to escape the terrible sunny British weather.

Nathan Muir said: “We pretty much chose our destination based on where the global weather forecast said it was most likely to rain – that turned out to be Beijing.

“It was a little pricey but totally worth it just to see water falling from the sky again – absolutely glorious. There really is nothing like being absolutely fucking soaked.”

Nikki Muir agreed: “Nathan wants to do some sightseeing but honestly I’d just be happy to sit around and lose my tan, maybe get a little drenched – it’s my holiday too.”

The family was last seen heading towards the airport and getting themselves in the mood by singing Garbage’s I’m Only Happy When It Rains.