Half-mile of arcade tokens gets child a Chupa-Chup

AN incredible half-mile of arcade tokens has won a thrilled child the incredible prize of a Chupa-Chup in their choice of flavour. 

The tokens, won on Whack-A-Mole, Crossy Road and basketball-dunking games, numbered in the tens of thousands and convinced eight-year-old Tom Logan a big prize was due. 

He said: “What a round. I was unstoppable. And I’ve got the tokens to prove it. 

“The sheer amount of them, even folded they’re hard to carry. It took a full hour just to feed them into the counting machine. A small crowd gathered. 

“What will I choose? The top-of-the-range Nerf gun? The 32-inch Sony 4K flatscreen? The original in-box Nintendo 3DS from March 2011? Surprised nobody’s picked that, these last seven years. 

“Ah, it would seem my tokens are insufficient. Instead I will have this cola Chupa-Chup.” 

Arcade employee Nathan Muir said: “Interesting fact – if you had enough tokens to stretch all the way around the entire globe, then to the moon and back, you could afford two Chupa-Chups.” 

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Young people need to get their act together, says middle-aged pisshead

A MIDDLE-AGED man who has a bottle of wine and a pudding with every meal feels he can criticise the younger generation because he owns a house and a BMW.

Roy Hobbs, 61, regularly spouts off about workshy snowflakes not having their ‘shit together’ even though his excessive meat and wine consumption means he can no longer mount a bicycle.

Hobbs said: “I notice Dr Marten’s are back in fashion, how about they release a new boot that gives them a good kick up the arse?

“They haven’t even got any shares in Natwest or anything like that.”

Wayne Hayes, 19, said: “I admit I’ve made a few complaints about the world we’ve inherited but how eating a whole stilton wheel every night is any better?

“If getting my shit together means having a twatty car and the bloated legs of a months-old drowned corpse then I’ll give it a miss.”