THE promise of a ‘flash mob’ has lured thousands of annoying people to their timely deaths, it emerged last night.
The use of a mobile-advertised mass event as bait for a murder trap is part of a scheme to reduce the number of dicks in the UK to 33 million by 2014.
A spokesman for campaign group Co-ordinate Your Death, said: “Flash mobbing is a recent phenomenon in which a group of individuals gathers in one place to show off.
“So what better way to lure the nation’s surplus dicks to their demise than by using social network sites to disseminate invitations to a pants-only custard pie and glitter fight in Trafalgar square?”
An estimated five thousand semi-clothed attention seekers gathered in the hope of making strangers think they are crazy, uninhibited mavericks.
However they were quickly torn to pieces by voracious dogs specially trained to kill partially naked people covered in custard and glitter.
Sociologist Dr Nikki Hollis said: “Flash mobbers typically believe that they are enlightening and challenging the everyday humdrum world of the square nine-to-fivers with their wacky, spontaneous, beguilingly childlike antics.
“You may have noticed I used the word ‘wacky’.”
She added: “There is a reason many of us have lost touch with our inner children. It’s that we are have become adults, fully grown humans capable of reading relatively complicated books, operating machines like cars and taking ourselves to the toilet.
“So while you can’t condone the killing of innocent people, these are not innocent people.
“So how can it possibly matter?”