Homeworker unwilling to discuss what he was doing when he heard

A HOMEWORKER is refusing to answer questions about where he was and what he was doing when he heard the tragic news.

Web designer Oliver O’Connor, aged 28, was asked by family what activity he was occupied with when the news of Her Majesty’s passing shocked a nation, and has only answered ‘er yeah, I think I was upstairs’.

He said: “Well I didn’t know it was imminent. I thought we had a few more days.

“I’d had a bloody long afternoon dealing with clients changing their briefs every five minutes. I was waiting for the sign-off email, and so I was just… relaxing.

“And because it’s still bright in the evenings and my flat’s on a main road, I was relaxing in the bedroom with the curtains closed and having a break from social media and the news for a little bit. Just 10 minutes or so, while I watched something on, er, YouTube.

“I did notice that the radio had stopped playing music for some sort of announcement and the notifications on my phone were going mental, but I was at a very absorbing bit in my video so thought I might as well finish. Which I did.

“So yeah, I was just, y’know, indisposed at that particular crucial time for the nation. F**king hell. I wonder if there were people doing that when Kennedy got shot?”

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Only eighth in line now, muses Andrew

PRINCE Andrew has reflected that the tragic loss of his mother now means he is only seven further unexpected losses away from becoming King.

The Duke of York cannot help but muse that notwithstanding his issues with public perception, the hereditary principle continues to operate regardless.

He said: “Of course, should a terrible and scarcely credible sequence of events take place, none of what I said to the Maitlis woman would matter. I would still be crowned.

“It would make no difference if newspapers said I should be exiled from public life, or naysayers doubted my alibis, or if Americans called me a ‘nonce’.

“The throne is indifferent to such trifles. It stands waiting for the next in line, whoever he or she may be. Whether second in line, as I was for more than two decades between 1960 and 1982, or eighth as I am today.

“I find myself tortured by thoughts of illness or accidents befalling my older brother and his descendants. People, even if Royal, are so fragile and the world so capricious and harsh.

“I am resolved that, no matter what, I shall do my duty. Only eighth now. Mm.”