BRITAIN’S top earners have been devastated by the government’s craven U-turn on the 45p tax rate. Comfort them with these words:
Remind them of the average UK salary
High-earners, after everything they’ve done for us, are bound to feel hard done by today. Make them crack a tearful smile by pointing out the average salary is less than a quarter of their annual income. The knowledge that retail workers, graduates and whole regions of Britain make nothing will restore their innate sense of superiority.
Show them the pound’s recovered
Sleeping on a glittering hoard of coins like Smaug is less fun when they’re approaching parity with the dollar, so the recovery of the pound after last week’s tanking is sure to raise spirits. And trickle-down economics means they’re duty-bound to buy themselves anything they want. See? It’s not all doom and gloom.
Benefits are being cut
Every cloud has a silver lining, and the refusal to raise benefits in line with inflation coupled with massive cuts must be of some solace. While you may not be getting richer everyone else is getting poorer and that’s almost the same.
At least you’ve got your health
During desperate times, such as when your immense income won’t go quite as far as it used to but it’s still a f**king fortune, it’s good to be reminded that you’ve still got your health and won’t have to rely on the underfunded and overstretched NHS to preserve it. It’s a straw to clutch in these troubled times.
Show them your last pay cheque
Laughter is the best medicine, and nothing makes the rich cackle more than the pathetic pay-packets of the poor. Show a top percentile earner the pittance you earned last month and they’ll be reduced to fits of the giggles. Then point out that’s before tax and you’re paying the same VAT. They’ll feel better in no time.