YOU have to feel sorry for racists who put up St George flags only to discover the whole street has them because of the World Cup. Here’s how to avoid confusion.
Clearly label your flag ‘racist’
You can’t get clearer than ‘I AM A RACIST’ in large letters in black marker pen. However spelling is often a challenge for racists, so don’t be afraid to consult a dictionary to avoid writing ‘RAYCIST’ or ‘RASIST’. You don’t want to look like an ignorant arsehole.
Stand outside correcting misconceptions
Spend all day standing in your flag-festooned street telling anyone who walks past ‘That one’s a racist one’ as you point at your St George’s Cross. It might be tricky juggling this with a full-time job, but judging by last summer’s asylum hostel protests, that probably won’t be a problem.
Design a separate English flag for racists
We’ve needed one of these ever since twats starting putting flags on lamp posts. Your design should combine a symbol of English identity with odious racist views, so how about the usual red cross on a white background but with a picture of Enoch Powell in the centre? Your envious neighbours will undoubtedly ask where they can get this much-improved design.
Remove ambiguity with golliwogs
The police are unlikely to get involved with golliwogs on private property. Twenty or so staring from various windowsills like a skinhead’s nightmare will leave people in no doubt as to your views on race, and probably also gays, ‘woke’ and Gary Lineker too.
Make your neighbours take their flags down
Tell your neighbours they should only display their England flags during a match, and must remove them all, including the little one clipped to their car, afterwards. Then they’ll just have to put them all up from scratch for the next game. It will help if you already don’t get on with your neighbours when you say this, because they will tell you to f**k off.
Bleat about yours being forcibly removed
Voice your paranoid belief that the ‘thought police’ will make you take down your St George’s Cross due to wokeness and two-tier policing, despite there being no chance of this happening. A boring, whiny sense of imaginary victimhood will immediately make it clear to everyone that you are a racist right-winger.
Ban the World Cup
Start an online campaign to ban the World Cup so that the only flags on display will be racist ones and not football-related. This is incredibly stupid and futile, and would ruin millions of people’s much-needed, harmless enjoyment of football. But then if you weren’t a hateful wanker you wouldn’t be into flag protests, would you?
