MILLIONS of Britons will be watching the Christmas edition of Eastenders, but how to arrange your own Albert Square-style festivities?
Follow these tips for a family Christmas packed with compelling pseudo-Cockney incident:
Repeatedly exclaim, This is going to be the best Christmas ever!
Make sure something goes horribly wrong with Christmas dinner, forcing your family to eat a takeaway or sandwiches, which ironically brings them closer together.
Say Its family, innit? at least 20 times during the course of the day.
Do a murder.
Always buy presents that will lead to a moment of pathos, e.g. an extremely expensive watch for a someone whos about to dump you.
Inject a an element of humour into your Christmas by rushing round to find a tree at the last-minute.
Make sure at least one of your Christmas guests has a serious mental illness. After they go into psychological meltdown during Christmas dinner, give everyone the number of the SANE hotline.
Get a long-forgotten friend or relative to arrive unexpectedly, ideally one that is evil and refers to ‘a few changes’ in a sinister manner.
Encourage friends and family to do something incredibly devious and malicious, such as pretending to have terminal cancer.
Under NO circumstances spend Christmas day at home. Instead, flit back and forth to the local pub for no apparent reason.
If you have teenagers, make sure they do something embarrassing and culturally unfeasible, like organising a Christmas Dubstep Rave for charity.