WANT to make someone’s life a misery? These pointers will make inflicting suffering on heroes of the pandemic who can’t answer back that much easier:
Put stuff on the wrong shelf
Decided on your way to the checkout that you don’t want that £20 rack of ribs? Just dump it in the cereal aisle. Don’t worry about it not being refrigerated – some poor supermarket assistant can collect the now legally unsellable product and deal with it for you.
Split the bill ten different ways
Picture the scene: you’re out for a meal with friends. It’s late, all the other tables have left, and the waitress hands you the bill. Time to pass it round the whole group, and then a second time as you argue over whether Coleen eating six poppadoms means she technically had a starter.
Complain about the price of drinks
Where’s the joy in a pint if you can’t berate the bar staff about how much it costs? It’s surely them that set the prices, not some bloke at Greene King’s head office in Bury St Edmunds. If they try to explain, tell them you don’t like their attitude and demand to see the manager.
Order a needlessly complicated coffee
Speaking of overpriced beverages, why not nip into your local coffee shop and demand a three pump, triple shot, skinny double cream latte with vanilla syrup served extra hot? If they forget a single element of your three-page recipe you get the drink for free. That’s the law.
Piss cleaners about
The cleaner needs to do the kitchen, but why should you be inconvenienced? Stand by the office coffee machine for twenty minutes taking a pointless, meandering phone call. Don’t bother responding if she talks to you – anything you say will only be condescending and offensive because that’s the wanker you are.