HAVING remained a mystery for centuries, a new dictionary has translated the various grunts and noises used by teenagers. Start understanding them with these entries.
Fine, I’ll fix your iPhone for you. Honestly, if I wasn’t around to bail you out, you’d be buying a new one every six months. Bit rich considering you give me so much crap for being glued to mine. It comes in handy when yours is knackered and you come whining to me for help.
No I’m, not going to ‘friend’ you on Facebook, dad. I’m not even on Facebook. That’s for old people. You might as well ask me if I’m planning on getting a fax machine or a gramophone. Please don’t join TikTok, it’ll be peak cringe.
(fu-uuh) inter-generational resentment
Thanks Boomer for f**king up the economy so badly I won’t be able to retire or afford a cardboard box to live in. But also can I please have 20 quid?
(gwar-rn-guh) frequent and indecipherable hormone-induced rage
(whu-uuh) chiefly Gen Z
You adults have completely ruined the Earth and then have the gall to whinge when we youngsters raise awareness of the problem and try and fix it. It’s just a coincidence that our protests involve skipping school.
Do we really have to go round to gran and grandad’s this weekend? They haven’t got wifi, how am I supposed to keep in touch with my friends? No, I can’t wait until school on Monday to see them. That might be how things worked in your day, but the world’s moved on a little since then.
(m-uh) valid criticism
Sure, complain about the state of modern music. Like the Eighties were the zenith of sonic endeavours. Need I remind you of Twisted Sister?