THE snooze button on a man’s phone allows him to repeat the most torturous part of the day again and again, it has emerged.
As well as briefly switching off his alarm, Nathan Muir’s snooze button has the added function of jolting him back into miserable consciousness at five-minute intervals over the course of half an hour.
He said: “There’s nothing quite as terrifying as waking up to my shit life. And thanks to my phone alarm’s snooze button, I can go through that harrowing experience at least half a dozen times before I get out of bed.
“When I’m asleep I get to live out fantastical dreams. When I’m awake I’m reminded of my measly bank balance and unfulfilled ambitions. No wonder I’m doing my best to stave that off for as long as possible.
“Whoever invented the snooze button really thought it through. It gets worse each time you hit it, until the main thing that wakes you up is self-loathing. I’m surprised Apple doesn’t make a bigger deal of it in their flashy launch speeches.”
Muir’s girlfriend Eleanor Shaw said: “He wouldn’t have so much trouble getting out of bed if he didn’t keep us both up late scrolling on the f**king thing.”