Human being has unexpressed thought

A HUMAN has thought of something and kept it to himself, it has been claimed.

The thought is believed to have happened yesterday evening in the brain of Wayne Hayes without being spoken out loud or committed to the internet.

Neighbour Nikki Hollis said: “We’ve all been discussing what this means to society as a whole and whether Wayne might be mentally unwell.

“And then we discussed what everybody’s favourite cheese is and decided it’s cheddar except when you go to France then it’s brie which is nice with grapes although Ian has a grape allergy.

“Did you know raisins are grapes?”

Keeping an opinion to yourself was commonplace as little as 30 years ago, when people could spend an entire career at the same company not knowing which film star their colleague reckoned was probably a vegetarian.

Hollis said: “It can sometimes be hours between Wayne’s Facebook updates, which means he’s probably got body parts in his freezer.

“I wonder if serial killers like Wayne actually enjoy cheddar. And if not, why not?”

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Clegg bans Putin from Sheffield Hallam

FORMER deputy prime minister Nick Clegg has warned Vladimir Putin not to enter Sheffield Hallam. 

The Russian president’s name was at the top of a controversial ‘blacklist’ of world leaders who are forbidden from setting foot in the leafy South Yorkshire constituency.

Clegg said: “Putin is not allowed in Sheffield Hallam from now on. Simple as, end of.

“If he is driving up through the Derbyshire Dales due north, he will be stopped at the Yorkshire border and asked to turn back. If he fancies a day out at the Peak District National Park, he can think again.”

Clegg added: “As for visiting Crookes, Dore, Totley, Fulwood, Stannington or any other sleepy west Sheffield suburb, he can forget it.

“I’d be intrigued to know how he likes them apples.”

Putin said: “Only reason I go Sheffield is to watch snooker at Crucible… in Sheffield Central.

“Vladimir win again.”