WE Brits are such a spirited nation that when someone says something objectionable, we keep quiet and bitch about it later. Here are some great cowardly phrases to use.
‘I know, yeah’
Note the clever use of the word ‘know’ – it sounds like you mean ‘agree’, but you don’t. You know what they’re saying, you know the cesspit that this particular conversation is headed into, and you’ve done nothing to challenge it. That told them!
‘What’s the world coming to?’
A wonderful statement of nothing. Everything is bad, without specifically endorsing their fascist take on immigration. Problem successfully swept under the carpet.
‘It’s crazy’
Actually they’re crazy. But you’re not going to tell a crazy person they’re crazy, so say this instead. It may make you a coward, but at least cowards don’t have to awkwardly leave dinner parties early because they called someone’s husband a bigoted prick. Also the roulade looks really nice.
‘Really?’
You sound interested, but you haven’t committed to an opinion. Chances are they’re only talking because they like the sound of their own voice, so ‘Really?’ will make them waffle on pointlessly or start pulling articles off the internet that support their view, giving you the chance to edge away and disappear. They won’t be offended, just look for their next victim.
Just tut
You don’t actually have to listen to a word they’re saying. Give a little head shake, a tut, and now and again an eye-roll. From their point of view, you’ve given who or whatever they’re complaining about a real dressing down too.
‘What are you gonna do?’
The perfect transition away from a horrible conversation topic: politely tell them to give up. Now you can move on to uncontroversial topics you both agree on, like the weather, where the only danger is boredom-induced brain damage.
