A SLEDGE has distanced itself from the inevitable injuries to its rider.
As snow descends on the UK, thousands of sledges are being forced to participate in activities that can only end in tears.
Wooden sledge Tom Booker said: “Look how fucking steep this hill is. And there’s a barbed wire fence at the bottom.
“I’m just saying because when this kid breaks his hip everyone’s going to blame me.
“But if I wasn’t an inanimate object I would have chosen a much gentler slope.
“This happens every year. I hate it, the inevitable sickening crunch.”
Fertiliser bag Nikki Hollis felt similarly: “My plastic slipperiness means I can get from point A – top of steep hill – to point B – bottom of steep hill – very, very quickly indeed.
“At point B there is a wall made of heavy stones, some of which are also quite sharp.
“I’m just pointing this out because no one ever seems to notice until after the ambulance arrives.”