Thursday, 13th May 2021

I was born in the wrong era, claims man who would've been a twat whenever

A TWAT insisting that he belongs in a different time period has yet to realise that he would have been just as unpopular a dick then.

Ever since he saw Peaky Blinders Ryan Whittaker has insisted that his objectionable personality would make him a paragon of cool among the smokestacks of 1920s England.

He explains: “Being born in 1990 instead of 1890 has ruined my life, and there’s only so much flat cap-wearing can compensate for that injustice. I blame my parents.

“Men nowadays are meant to be kind, funny and interested in what women have to say. They’re also expected to hold down desk jobs instead of running around killing people and getting off with hot birds in corsets. It’s not fair.

“If I was in a gang in Birmingham in the 1920s, my volatile, unpleasant personality would be an asset rather than an encumbrance. I’d be respected for it.”

Acquaintance James Bates said: “He’s boring, selfish and never gets a round in. He’d be justifiably ostracised from society in the 1920s, the 1820s and in medieval times.

“He’d be a twat in any period of history. The only difference is now we’re obliged to be his friends on Facebook.”